the family is dead, long live the family

‘It will never happen,’ I tell Lukaš. ‘We’ll never go back to the Czech Republic. I just can’t imagine having to move again with all the stuff that we have.’ I think I tell him this somewhere in the end of May. I might be wrong but the memory of these words of mine smell…

the wedding (part five: full steam ahead)

21 July The day starts chaotically. The living room is full of people. The moka pot won’t cool down – after each coffee we pour we leave it under the cold running water for a bit so that we can at least open and load it again. While I’m wondering if everyone will manage to…

the wedding (part four: rocks beneath the water)

I I once knew a pretty girl And she was in love with the world And she loved a young man Who loved her body but never saw her mind He took everything she had kept And then he took everything else that was left   But no one believed her No one believed her…

the wedding (part three: setting the course)

I At Pokoj We sit in the gloomy bar, cigarette smoke drifting over us, music barely heard. We’re the sole customers. Lukas’s university mates are here to bid us goodbye. Right now going back to Bulgaria sounds even exciting. Although we haven’t left yet, plans are being made at the table of a group coming…

the wedding (part two: high tides and low tides)

The tale of my wedding should start with the engagement. And, just like the wedding itself, it’s contradictory. Completely true and painful with the fact it had to happen thrice. Our engagement is a story about mistakes and the love that has the power to undo them. About strength and weakness. About high and low…

the wedding (part one: the lifeboat)

January 2016 Ústí nad Labem – Hněvice train Another day without sunrise. I look through the windows of the train towards the bare fields torn here and there by little forests and quiet villages. Without snow the winter here is grey and foggy. I think about the big chimneys of the paper factory where I…

the wedding speech – extended version

I wrote the following speech in Ruse, in a hotel by the bus station, just a week before my wedding. In short, my wedding went well. In “long” – you’re going to find out a bit later. It didn’t really go by plan. Not at all, actually. But it did become the first serious proof of…

life in may – from the outside

I’m not a partaker. I’m an observer. When I experience or see something beautiful I don’t sink into it. No, I swim to the surface and then take a look down. I let the water bend the image and then I capture it. With words or photographs. I don’t want it to be this way….

the drawing power of absurdity

Days pass by so fast I feel as if I lived in the Czech Republic in some past life. I have the feeling no matter how many changes occur each day it is as if nothing actually happens. I don’t know if it’s good or bad. I feel as if my life now is in…

setting off

I walk along the smoothly asphalted way that leads me out the village. I am the only person on foot. I hear the cars coming from behind or ahead long before they pass me by. It must be thanks to the fresh air up here. I wonder what the drivers might be thinking and whether they…

antonia’s life, volume IV

I imagine my life as a bookshelf. An endless one (not because it’s eternal but because it can be “suddenly ended”). There are four books on it. The first is about my birth and childhood. In one of the chapters I poke my younger sister’s eye because I think she’s a doll. In another one…